Shadows

For about my years in High School I have been in the shadow of others, not really being noticed or not really standing out, I was seen as someone who is influenced by others instead of having any original thought. I ran the Japanese Culture Club at my high school for about two years until I graduated, I felt that I was finally going to impact or have some strong influence due to my leading position. Unfortunately that didn't workout I wasn't listened to and no one really listened or noticed anything I really did and I was criticized Constantly. I'm not one to complain or spew out stuff like this but at ties I feel like even though I'm out of high school the same thing happens. I've tried going back up to my club to check on everyone to see how it's running but I've been forgotten already. I'm angry because I've busted my ass just to see that thing thrive and keep it going like the presidents before me so one can imagine the pain they would feel to find out that they didn't even matter. Right now with this whole Otaku America thing I don't know what I'm doing, I deleted my Kami Trio Facebook page to focus on the bigger picture of the group but also because It's dead weight I don't see the point in it. There are times where I lose faith in this whole thing, and I was just reminded again at how little my role in this is, quit frankly I don't feel that I'm needed. I'm in the shadow of my friends pretty much, A friend of mine just recently asked me if I was helping out with my friends Otaku America Panel...and I just sat there and began to see once again how insignificant I am with this stuff. Maybe I'm over thinking things but all I see is me being downplayed constantly, what do I have to put on the table? What have I done? My friend keeps me involved but I know it's just because We're friends and not because I do anything major..this is the only time i'll post anything like this, It's been on my mind for years...why am I constantly downplayed maybe I just need to do my own thing..I mean I do and I am but no one really cares to notice, oh well.